Consider This: Before you have a conversation about race
For years we have been taught that there are three things we don’t talk about over dinner: religion, politics or sex/money (depending on your culture). But in reality there are 4 things many people have avoided talking about especially with family and coworkers.
Race.
At the same time we know in order to heal, make changes, or grow; it is mandatory to acknowledge and accept what is. But before you run off and engage in a conversation there are some steps you might consider:
Familiarize yourself with race as a social construct. Racism was and is strategically develop for the benefit of whites (White Supremacy) and the oppression of people of color particularly Black people (anti-Blackness).
Understand your racial identity. Most often when you hear conversations about race we refer to black and white, and fail to mention all the people in between. With deeper systemic understanding we are able to see how the spectrum of races was developed and is being maintained.
Tackle internalized racism. This requires a lifetime commitment, daily if not minute by minute examination and coarse correction. Understanding when privilege or oppression is showing in your life is where we each hold power and accountability as a collective.
Prioritize your values. You have to know what is most important for you before you take action. Your values determine how you show up when the water gets hot. Don’t forget to acknowledge your hungers or shadow side this little bugger is there to keep you safe but also can lead you to destruction.
Ask permission. Before you start a conversation about race or any other topic that requires vulnerability as for permission. Demanding or imposing conversations with people of color is a form of covert racism and quite often traumatizing for people of color. Know that the invitation to a conversation isn’t unlimited, capacity to have these conversations changes day to day.
Own your impact. Assuming best intent is a no go here. Racism causes harm by design and like it or not until we totally dismantle it harm will be done. So be prepared and make sure you and your partner have the tools to own impact without criticism or a fight.
A little bit of effort in any of these areas will go a long way towards preparing you to have open and authentic conversations about race.